fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
