You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
