My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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