His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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