Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i believe in u and ur pee
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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