You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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