I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Found your dick twin last night
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
