So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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