I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
