There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
