i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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