Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
