Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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