I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
