I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
