I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
