she woke up with a sticky ear
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
