i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
