Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
