I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
