I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My bed smells like the plague
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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