i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
