I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
