I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i wish my penis had a tongue
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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