its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
