Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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