hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
