dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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