i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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