Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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