Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
