A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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