I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
