the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
