just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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