No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
