After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
