yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
