kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
