Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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