I don't usually arrange sex via text message
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
