I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
