I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I can't turn off my feet"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
