i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
