i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
