It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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