You made me cry and you don't even care
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
