All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
