There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
