So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
