we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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